Can You Ever Go Home Again?
by Athena356
Summary: I AM BAD AT SUMMARIES! If I have to say it one more time....hmmm...an opening at County may be filled by a familiar face....please r/r!
1. Are You Positive?

AN: don't own em, unless there are patients...how sad! I wish I owned them!~~~Thena  
  
  
LAST TIME ON ER---  
  
~*~ Dr. Cleo Finch has been stuck by a needle. She may have been exposed to HIV.~*~  
  
"Kerry, I..."  
  
"Cleo! Your labs are back." Peter said, quietly handing her the yellow envelope.  
  
"One second, please, Dr. Weaver. Peter, what did they say?"  
  
"I didn't look."  
  
Cleo practically ripped open the envelope's top and grabbed the piece of paper. "Oh my god."  
  
"Cleo, what is it?"  
  
"Peter, I...positive." She looked at him helplessly, tears forming. He let her fall into his arms and he stood there, trying to comfort her in front of a very confused Kerry Weaver.  
  
~*~  
  
"Goodbye Cleo! We'll miss you!" The staff shouted out generic goodbyes at the going away party, then revealed a huge cake they had bought. After about an hour of talking, eating and laughing, the party began to wind down and patients began to come in. The staff dispersed as the board filled up.  
  
"Thanks you guys...I'll be in to visit."  
  
"Ready to go?" Peter asked, holding Reese, who had been in daycare for the last day. Cleo was going to watch him, even though Carla would kill Peter if she knew. She hated Cleo enough already.   
  
"Yeah...I guess."  
  
"Well, come on then. Hey...don't worry. Want to hold Reese?" He offered, knowing it wouldn't help her much. She was extremely upset at the thought of leaving County, but she didn't want to risk infecting anyone. That's what she told everyone anyway. Kerry had offered her some special conditions which would allow her to stay, but she felt more comfortable out of the ER. It wasn't the risk of infecting patients, she knew how to take universal precautions. It was just that she was so upset that this could have happened to her. She knew there was a risk, but...she never realized that it might really happen to her.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hi, I need a number for Anna Del Amico. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. No listing? is it unlisted? NO, I know you can't give me the damn number, just tell me if there's a listing. No? OK, thank you." Carter sighed and hung up, defeated. *You should see my brother Hank's place!* Hank! Of course, how could he have been so stupid. Anna had family living in Philly, and most of them were sure to be listed. He redialed and waited for the operator to pick up. "Yes, I need a listing for Hank Del Amico, in Philadelphia. Thank you. Yes, please connect me. Yes I know there's a fee. OK. Thank you."  
  
~*~  
  
"Hello?" John grinned at the sound of her voice.  
  
"Anna, hi. This is John Carter."   
  
"John! Hey, how are you? Wow, I haven't heard from you...how'd you get my number?"  
  
"Your brother Hank. I'm great, you?"  
  
"Good. It's nice to hear from you."  
  
"I know I didn't call, but..."  
  
"I know. Hey, I didn't call either. Too busy, too hard...I missed you."  
  
"I missed you too. Hey...our pedes attending is leaving...today was her last day...and they've called in a moonlighter for a while until they can find a replacement, but..."  
  
"So there's a pediatric attending spot open in the ER and I suddenly get a call from you?"  
  
"They've opened a search, and...I told you, I miss you, Anna. But I'm sure you have other things, another job, family...Max."  
  
"No. I mean, yeah, I have a job, my brother Seth lives around here, but...No Max."  
  
"Really? What happened? When last I left you, you were moving for him."  
  
"Well, he got back on the painkillers after some stupid basketball injury. So I broke it off, moved away."  
  
"To New York."  
  
"Yeah. New York City is great, but...I miss the rest of my family, my friends. I can't go back there though."  
  
"I didn't call you to ask if you'd go back to Philly."  
  
"John, I don't know right now. If I send in an application, it's not even certain I'll get the job. And I have a great job here. But, I am anxious to see you all again, so maybe I'll come out, make them give me an interview. And we can have coffee or dinner, catch up."  
  
"That would be great! We should have kept in touch. I thought by now you'd be married with little kids running around."  
  
"I thought you'd have kids, be married too. But she'd have to be blonde."  
  
"Very funny, Anna. So you'll send in an application?"  
  
"Yes John, I'll send it tomorrow."  
  
"Tomorrow? why not today?"  
  
"Because it's one am! You called me..and Hank...in the middle of the night. Different time zone, remember?"  
  
"Sorry about that...could you tell Hank I'm sorry..in the morning?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll call him. And John...thanks for calling."  
  
"No problem. Thanks for thinking about it."  
  
"I left for Max. I don't have that anymore, so I'm more than happy to come back, if they'll have me."  
  
"They'll want you. They wanted you before, and you've only gotten more experienced and better."  
  
"OK John. If you say so. How about I call you tomorrow? It's late, and I'm on at 9."  
  
"Sure! That'd be great." He gave her his number and she wrote it down. he could hear the pen scratching on some paper through the phone. "Bye Anna."  
  
"See you soon, John."  
  
He smiled as he hung up. He'd waited for so long to hear her voice, and now she was coming back...and maybe he could have another chance with her.   
  
~*~ TO BE CONTINUED??? ONLY IF YOU REVIEW!~*~


	2. Secrets Are Meant To Remain Secret

John sat in the uncomfortable plastic seat in the poorly lit airport. He checked his watch every few seconds. Her plane was late. 27 and a half minutes late. He'd been sitting there, getting up every 5 minutes or so to ask the woman at the ticket counter if there was any news on the flight. Just as he got up to ask again, he saw a plane coming down the runway towards the gate. This was it. She was finally coming in. He stood up and nervously ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
It had been years since he'd seen her, they had so much to catch up on. It only occured to him as the plane pulled to a stop that he would have to tell her about the attack...and the drugs. But he pushed the thought away as he stood, watching the line of people exiting the plane and entering the airport. A few families, one with a toddler and a baby, one with teenagers. An older couple, a young man in a suit carrying a briefcase and a talking into a cell phone. A little boy travelling alone tightly gripping the hand of a flight attendant whose name tag read "JANE" in bold letters, running to a waiting couple standing near John's seat. And then he saw her, her wavy blonde hair loose, falling over her shoulders. He broke out into a grin as she looked at him.  
  
~*~  
  
Anna could barely contain her excitement as she walked through to the airport, wanting to shove all the people who were ahead of her and run to John. But she controlled herself, barely. When she saw him standing there she froze, looking at him. He was watching the people coming out of the little doorway, his eyes following the progress of a young boy running to a waiting couple. When he turned, she could see how much time had changed John Carter. He had a tired look on his face, and dark circles haunted the area under his eyes. But when he saw Anna, his face lit up in a goofy grin. Forgetting the pained look on his face, she ran to him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. She knew she'd have to tell him about everything that had happened to her since she left Chicago, but she didn't want to think about that.  
  
~*~  
  
John almost fell backwards when Anna flew into his arms, but he managed to keep his balance and returned her warm hug. "Anna!"  
  
"Hi John!"  
  
"How was the flight?"  
  
"Horrible. They served lunch, which is always a bad sign. It was too long, anyway."  
  
"I was wondering when you'd finally get here."  
  
"It was pretty late. 28 minutes and 33 seconds."  
  
"You counted too?" He asked, surprised.  
  
"Of course. So, is the Carter family limo waiting to pick me up?"  
  
"How about the Carter family Jeep?"  
  
"That'll do."  
  
"Good. Let's go get your bags."  
  
~*~ Later ~*~  
  
"Feels weird to walk back in here." Anna sighed as she stepped into the ambulance bay, John following close behind.  
  
"Well, only Greene and Weaver know you're coming back. And Romano, but, you know, no one else who we're going to see."  
  
"What, you don't want to visit my best buddy Rocket? I missed the arrogant little jerk." She started laughing, and John quickly joined in. They entered the ED, walking towards admit.  
  
"Yo Carter, I'm outa here...whoa, who's this?" Dave stopped in his tracks as he saw Anna standing next to Carter.  
  
"Dave. No way." John shook his head at Dave and answered, "Anna Del Amico, meet Dave Malucci. Watch out for this one, Anna."  
  
"Oh I will, I can tell he's trouble already." She winked at Dave, and he grinned. When John gave her a warning glance, she smiled and smacked his arm lightly. "Calm down, John."  
  
"Yeah, sure...well Dave, see you tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah, bye...see ya. You too?" He asked, motioning to Anna.  
  
"I'll be around." She smiled as he walked away, whistling.  
  
"Anna, don't encourage Dave. Trust me."  
  
Randi was flipping through a magazine as the phone rang repeatedly. She didn't look up, so Anna grabbed the phone. "Hold on, let me check." She held the phone away from her mouth and asked John if someone named Abby Lockhart worked there.   
  
"That's me...Randi not answering the phone again?" Abby had been putting away a chart, so she had come over when she heard her name. "Did they say who it was?"  
  
"Luke?"  
  
"Luka." She smiled, and took the receiver from Anna. "Thanks..."  
  
"Anna." She said as she tapped Randi on the shoulder. "Time to get back to work, Randi."  
  
"Is that you? What are you doing back here?"  
  
"Pedes attending job. You haven't changed a bit, Randi."  
  
"Thanks...I think."  
  
"OK, where are Doug, Carol, Kerry, Mark..."  
  
"Doug and Carol don't work here anymore, Anna. They moved to Seattle about 2 years ago. Well, Doug moved before Carol...it's a whole big thing. But they have twin girls, Tess and Kate, who'll be turning 2 this November."  
  
"Oh, that's so sweet? Are there any pictures around?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, in the lounge. We can go..."  
  
"Anna?" Kerry Weaver came down the hallway as fast as her crutch would allow. "It *is* you! I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. How are you? We didn't expect you until Tuesday."  
  
"I decided to come a few days early, catch up with everyone. So, what's new around here?"  
  
"Not that much, really. We've had a few new faces since you left, marriages, babies...but I'll leave it up to you to find out which ones. I should go, I'm late for an appointment. I'll see you tomorrow, if you're around." Kerry wasn't sure if Carter had mentioned the attack or Lucy, and she didn't want to make him uncomfortable, so she didn't mention it.  
  
"Dinner plans, Dr. Weaver?"Carter raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the elevator.  
  
"Yes Carter. Dinner plans. Don't you have somewhere else to be?"  
  
"Nope. Think we'll hang around here." Carter knew Kim would be coming down any second to join Kerry, and since she was so ok about it all, enough to confront Romano, he couldn't think of a better way to tell Anna about Kim and Kerry.  
  
"You don't give up, do you?"  
  
"Never, Dr. Weaver, never." She groaned at Carter's sly smile, and Anna's confused face. The elevator chimed, signalling that it had arrived, and Kerry heard Kim's footsteps approaching. She came over to Kerry and said hello, not wanting to be overly affectionate in case Kerry was still uneasy about PDA.   
  
"Hi Kim. Kim Legaspi, this is Anna Del Amico. Kim's a psychiatrist here, and Anna used to work in our emergency department...and if she's half as impressive as she was the first time she came to work here, she's going to be working here again soon."  
  
"Dr. Weaver, stop it." Anna's fair cheeks turned a fierce shade of red.   
  
"Well Kerry, should I be jealous?"  
  
"Of course not. You ready for dinner?" She knew she shouldn't have been so careful about protecting Carter.  
  
"Someone's blushing...you haven't told her, have you?" Kim smiled warmly, shaking Anna's hand. "Hi Anna, nice to see you again, Carter."  
  
"Same here, Kim." Carter grinned at Kerry. "Sorry Dr. Weaver, I couldn't resist."  
  
"Nice to meet you, Kim." Anna replied, extremely shocked.   
  
"Well, I guess I'm making Kerry uncomfortable. Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." Kim smiled again as she turned to Kerry. "You want to leave now?"  
  
Kerry let out a small sigh. "Oh they already know...everyone does. If you want to stick around for a few minutes, it's OK with me."  
  
"Thanks. So Anna, are you doctor, a nurse, a physician's assistant?" Both Kerry and Carter stood back, watching the women get to know each other. Kerry didn't speak to Carter, and he knew better than to try to speak to her.  
  
"A doctor, a pediatric emergency physician."  
  
"Really? How nice...kids are great. So you worked here before?"  
  
"Yeah, my first year of residency. I went back home after, to a hospital with a pedes emergency department. But a position opened up here, so..."  
  
"You figured you'd come back? You kind of miss this place when you're gone...I know."  
  
"Yeah, you sure do. How long have you worked here?"  
  
"This time? A few months. Before that I was here for a little over 6 months."  
  
"What happened, if you don't mind my asking."  
  
"I was fired, it's a long story, but we worked it all out. Anyway, we'd better be going. I guess you'll be around if you're applying for the job, so I'll see you."  
  
"Definitely. Hey John, is that place George's still open?"  
  
"Oh yeah. That's actually where we're going. It's a great little place." Kim said, not giving John a chance to answer. "Would you like to join us? If Kerry and John don't mind, that is." She looked to the others for confirmation.  
  
"If Dr. Weaver doesn't mind..." John shifted uneasily.  
  
"Well if you're all ok with it, then I guess so. We can call George's to change the reservation. I'll go do it." Kerry walked, banging her crutch loudly on the floor as she usually did when she was upset.  
  
"She doesn't seem very OK with it." Anna remarked, looking at Kerry punching numbers angrily into the keypad of the phone.  
  
"She was expecting a nice private dinner. She's still uptight about telling anyone about us...guess she was upset you found out this way. Not that she'd ever tell you herself, and she'd hate it more if you heard it from someone else." Kim sighed. "But it's worth the struggle. She's great."  
  
"So how long have you been seeing each other?"  
  
"Officially since June. A few months."  
  
"That's great, congratulations."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"They'll have our table ready at 7:45."  
  
"Well, why don't we just go, it's 7:15 already." John pointed out, glancing at his watch.  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
"We can have a double date." Anna grinned at the group standing with her, not thinking of the meaning of what she had said for both couples.  
  
~*~  
  
A date. Does Anna really think of this as a date? That means I really have a chance with her, I could really end up with her this time. She really likes me, she's over Max, she's over it all and she wants to date me. And I'd wanted this since we became good friends. It was like a dream come true. Now all I have to do is tell her about what I've been up to since she left. See if she still wants me.  
  
~*~  
  
A date. It's been so long since I've been on a "date". It's always 'Hey Kerry, want to get some dinner?' or something like that. Never a date. It's a whole new thing, dating Kim. We're not just getting together, having dinner, having a drink or catching a movie. We're dating. We live in the same house, it seems odd to date her. I think the courting is done. But still...I can share a bed with her, I can have a relatonship with her, but I can't get over the word "date". I didn't know one word could cause so many problems.


	3. By Your Side

"Anna, can we talk?"  
  
"John, what's wrong?" He'd regained the haunted pained look. She sat on his couch as he stuffed the leftovers in the fridge and then sat with her.   
  
"I need to confess something, Anna."  
  
"You're dating someone? Married...I can take it, come on. You're a spy, you're in the CIA..."  
  
"Really Anna." He wasn't smiling.   
  
"Sorry. Trying to lighten the mood."  
  
"Anna, about 2 years ago...it'll be 2 years in February...I got attacked by a patient."  
  
"John, I'm so sorry...what happened?"  
  
"He was a skitzophrenic, he thought we were stealing his organs when we did an LP. I don't know, I think I blocked a lot of it out. He stabbed us with a knife he found in the lounge. Don't ask me how he got the the lounge..."  
  
"Us?"  
  
John sighed deeply and looked into her brown eyes. "My med student. She was a second year."  
  
"Oh, and so she moved to another..."  
  
"No. Lucy...didn't make it." He stared at a little throw pillow on the chair across from the couch.  
  
"I'm sorry, John, I had no idea...are you OK?"  
  
"Now I am, but...Anna, if you hate me, I understand..." He paused nervously and turned to look her in the eye once again.  
  
"I wouldn't hate you, why would I possibly...What is it, John?"  
  
"I got hooked on painkillers." He stood up abruptly, pulling away from her. "They were for my back, and I just...Even after Chase, after Max, after everything. I just needed something, Anna, something to take it all away."  
  
Anna sat, but said nothing. She thought she knew him, she thought he was the same old John, the man she'd wanted more than anything...almost...to be with. Now she could see where his tired look came from, his dark circles from sleepless nights. It all made sense now, all the signals of a haunted past he never had before. "And now?" Her voice cracked slightly as she tried to comprehend the fact that this could happen to John.  
  
"I went to rehab. I'm clean, I'm...I know...I blamed myself, Anna. And I try not to do it anymore. But it was just this overwhelming power, I make people leave me. I kept thinking that I made you leave, something I did or said, or I just didn't say enough. And I was responsible for Lucy leaving me as well, and...You always hurt the ones you love, and I didn't mean to hurt you, Anna. I don't know what I did or said or what I should have said, but I...I never meant for you to leave." He'd said it. There was no turning back now.  
  
"It wasn't you, John. It was me and Max, and something stronger than any of us that made me go back. I wish I could have told you, explained it, but I just...I didn't know how to explain it to myself, I couldn't possibly try to tell you. I didn't think you blamed yourself, John, because there was no reason for you to." She stood up and put her arm around his shoulder, guiding him back to the couch. He sat when she pushed her hand down on his shoulder, feeling like he couldn't control his own movements if he tried.  
  
"I just don't want you to go."  
  
"John, I'm here. I don't hate you. You got yourself into rehab, you're fine now. You're not like Max or Chase. And I didn't hate Chase...or Max. I was dissapointed. But they were different from you, John. Chase did it for the high, Max did it out of pure addiction. You were in a serious traumatic situation. I don't want you to think I'm anything less than supportive of you. You turned back from it, John. You beat it."  
  
"Sometimes I wonder if I really did."  
  
"You did. I'll be here for you, and we'll make sure."  
  
"Thanks Anna. If you don't mind, I'm kinda tired. The guest room is all made up...I'll see you in the morning, OK?"  
  
"Of course. Goodnight." He dissapeared into his bedroom and Anna realized she hadn't told him what she was going to. Oh well...some secrets will only come out when they're ready to be heard.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
_** We're on this roller coaster ride  
hold on I'll stay here by your side  
we head up to the sky, then we slide back down  
upside down tryin to figure out  
not sure if we could work it out**_  
****  
  
  
AN: oh yeah, the author's notes come at the end this time, wow what a big change. hehe. Anyway, I didn't know I was going to use the song until I had finished, so, I DON'T OWN IT! it's "Answer the Phone" by Sugar Ray, from the new CD. I don't own them either. Like you were so surprised. Hope you liked it, and hope you review! comments, praise, and/or CONSTRUCTIVE critisism welcome:) aw hell, flame me if ya really want to, just write a review. (but if you're flaming, you probably shouldn't have read 3 chapters...hehe, me and my logic) :)~~~Thena


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